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Movie Reviews: Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid

  • Makes the first movie seem like a horror classic...." -- L.A. Daily News ( Read Review )
  • What does it say about a movie when the best actor in it is a monkey...." -- Reel.com ( Read Review )
  • Not that bad...." -- Chicago Tribune ( Read Review )
  • There are still sufficient cheap thrills and enough of the prevailing camp quality...." -- Hollywood Reporter ( Read Review )
    Source: L.A. Daily News

    The 1997 snake tale "Anaconda" was bad but turned a respectable profit. Its 2004 sequel, "Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid," makes the first movie seem like a horror classic.
    "Anacondas' " only achievement is that it's so stupidly plotted and badly acted, it becomes unintentionally funny here and there.

    A ship of boobs is sailing the jungle rivers of Borneo in search of the blood orchid, the "pharmaceutical equivalent of the fountain of youth." Turns out it's mating season for humongous, hungry anacondas, which have gathered to serve as the welcome wagon for our intrepid orchid seekers.

    The only reasonably well-known cast member is Morris Chestnut as an entrepreneur who orchestrates the expedition. Other cast members are obscure actors, and from their performances here, they're likely to remain just that.

    The worst performance comes from stiff and wooden Johnny Messner as a river rat whose rickety boat carries the orchid expedition into the jungle. Whether from innate dullness or curious instructions from director Dwight Little to emote like a life-size ventriloquist's dummy, Messner could be the most monotonous screen tough guy since Dolph Lundgren.

    The one decent performance comes from the boat's mascot, a cute little monkey whose screams of terror provide the movie's only expressive and heartfelt moments.

    The various special effects, including plenty of computer-generated imagery to create the giant snakes, mostly look chintzy. The anacondas are not remotely scary, the action and stunts are lame, and the movie has no suspense, no chills.

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