I spent most of "Sydney White" trying to solve the mystery of Amanda Bynes's tan.

It's noticeable even in the trailers, but in the film itself - a feeble college comedy aimed at middle schoolers - the star's skin tone is a dark orange fake-and-bake marvel not found anywhere in or near nature. Did they take Bynes out back and lacquer it on? Did she suffer an accident in a Cheetos factory? Is it on loan from Lindsay Lohan in "Georgia Rules"? Doesn't matter: It's mesmerizing, and one of the worst makeup jobs ever seen in a studio film.

You're glad for the distraction, though, since "Sydney White" makes "Mean Girls" look like Shakespeare. A modern-dress "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" revamp, it's a comedown for Bynes, who has parlayed her pleasing plain-Jane looks and tart comic energy into a series of TV shows and movies ("What a Girl Wants," "She's the Man") that are better than your average mall-rat entertainment product. Not a lot better, but better.

This one pits the Barbies against the nerds, with Bynes's Sydney uneasily in the middle. She's the tomboy daughter of a manly single-dad plumber (John Schneider, of "The Dukes of Hazzard," given three scenes) who goes off to her late mother's college expecting to join her sorority as a legacy.

Kappa Phi Nu and the college itself are ruled by Rachel Witchburn (Sara Paxton), the latest in a long line of detestable blond hotties (see "Bratz," "High School Musical," etc., etc.). Sydney's easygoing ways and schlumpy sneakers offend her sensibilities and, after a thorough public humiliation, our heroine is exiled to the Vortex, a condemned dorm where seven dorky losers live. Sydney White and the Seven Dorks, get it?

Actually, the Vortex scenes are the funniest in the movie, since each of the seven gets his grumpy/sleepy/bashful character trait and the actors run with it. (So does Bynes, who looks happier here than in the sorority sequences.) Jack Carpenter as the allergic-to-everything Lenny (aka Sneezy) is even quite charming, and a smarter movie might think to pair him off with Sydney.

Chad Gomez Creasy's screenplay trundles down the more well-traveled path, though, providing the heroine with a real Prince Charming in Tyler Prince (Matt Long), the sensitive hunk of Frat Row. Tyler sings a cappella like a prep and plays video games like a wonk; the movie's point - and it's a good one, in theory - is that we all carry different cliques around inside us.

In practice, "Sydney White" is so broad and dumb it wouldn't fool a 12-year-old. Under Joe Nussbaum's direction, the fairy-tale parallels are cute (especially that "poisoned" Apple computer), but the film's message of inclusion somehow turns insulting. Sydney and the Dorks run for Student Council against mean old Rachel by appealing to the college's "fringe groups": the Goths, the transgenders, and . . . the Jews? Yes, according to this movie, all Jews are hefty young guys who wear peyas, twirl their prayer shawls, and shout "L'Chaim!" at every opportunity. Who knew there was a Chabad Lubavitch chapter at Southern Atlantic University?

For those keeping score, the movie offers an unintentional tissue-sample of shifts in pop-culture stereotypes. In English, that means nerds have officially become so hip that the film climaxes with the Kappa blondes and the jocks standing and claiming "I'm a dork!" in "Spartacus"-style solidarity. Well, no, you're not, but if cultural gentrification makes you feel better about yourself, go for it.

Bynes does what she can to pep up the proceedings - the movie mostly requires her to stammer amusingly or look determined - but even the target audience for "Sydney White" will probably realize college can't be this silly. Their parents will busy themselves fretting over the "fun" binge drinking in the frat-party scenes. I'm still freaked out about that tan.